Smoke Screen
by WonderfulNonsenseofBritt
Summary: Human!stuck Gamtav University AU; Gamzee is Tavros's new room mate and the eccentric, generally absurd marijuana addict introduces a new perspective of life to the shy, awkward Tavros - especially after a debilitating accident. But just as Tavros's life is changing, so too is Tavros changing Gamzee's life, forever. Warning: Marijuana use, swearing, mild MM smut, and sad!stuck.
1. Chapter 1

"Bro there ain't no need for you to be all up and enjoying this motherfucking shit," he said.

Gamzee Makara was an odd boy. From the moment he showed up at Tavros Nitram's dorm with his suitcase half-opened, clothes spilling out at odd angles from within it, and an overwhelming stench of less-than-legal substances and cigarette smoke all over him, Tavros knew his new roommate would be a handful.

Tavros was in his first year of university, while Gamzee, his third. This hadn't been his first rodeo. He was highly intelligent, artistic, creative, though incredibly… odd. Though there was a level of charisma about him, that seemed to draw people. Tavros was rather smart, though sensitive and shy. He had few friends, but they were close to him.

"Dig the hawk, bro," Gamzee had said as he wheeled his suitcase into the room. He kicked it to the corner on his side of the room, and flung his tall, lanky figure onto the bed, with a heavy sigh. He was clearly under the influence of something, though Tavros had learned that this wasn't an unfamiliar thing to Gamzee.

"Uhh," Tavros stammered, his hand finding his hair, where his short, thick Mohawk adorned his scalp. "Thanks, I guess. I'm Tavros."

"Sup bro," Gamzee grinned, tossing his too-long legs out of the bed, and sitting up. He extended his arm, his fingers slender and long and rather warm as they wrapped around Tavros's much less impressive hand. "I been named motherfucking Gamzee, bro. I'mma be the best roommate you ever done have."

His hair was far too long, and extended at odd, awkward, haphazard angles about his head. His face was slender and, like his body, seemed to be almost void of body fat, despite how much he ate – he constantly ate. His eyes were practically regularly half-lidded, unless closed, and his thin lips were always stretched into a large, goofy grin. He spoke in an odd, roundabout way that made him difficult to understand at times. Though his voice was deep and melodious, and while he spoke almost endlessly during his stoned stupors, it seemed to ease Tavros into a deep sleep, despite his lack of participation in Gamzee's smoking endeavours.

Every day, Gamzee would sleep thirty minutes after his alarm went off, had a cup of coffee, showered for almost an hour, dressed in the same disorganised, tossed-together-last-second style of incessantly worn-out clothes that were whimsical, absurd, and far too big for him, smoked a bowl, and then went to his class, showing up ten minutes late. Tavros, meanwhile, heaved himself up after his snooze went off a second time, five minutes after the first, had a cup of coffee, showered for twenty minutes, dressed in his standard "jeans and t-shirt" style, and showed up to class five minutes early. After classes, Tavros would show up at the dorm around the same time every day, sometimes later if his friends got together, would take care of any homework, study, and then head to bed. Gamzee would appear at odd times, always stoned, always laughing, always waking the former up, or distracting him from his studies.

After about a month of this, one weekend, Gamzee was doodling idly in his bed, legs hanging in the air, and Tavros's eyes were on him from behind his laptop. This was standard. Tavros hadn't had a girlfriend for many years. He had still been recovering from an abusive relationship. Since then, he had been in the process of discovering his sexuality, and although his curiosities were mildly suppressed, they were always fully awakened when Gamzee was about.

Gamzee, meanwhile, was in an odd on-and-off relationship with someone named "Terezi", and often mentioned a "Karkat" rather fondly. He spoke often of such things. He'd ask how Tavros's day was and just sit and listen to him, and then drawl out his own response about his daily activities. But the more time passed, the more they began to speak far more than small talk to each other.

In fact, it grew to conversations about each other on a far more personal level. Gamzee felt some odd connection to a band he quite enjoyed – almost to the level of accepting it as a religion. Tavros, meanwhile, was far simpler than him, though Gamzee had managed to get him to open up about his ex, Vriska, who severely verbally, physically, and sexually abused him.

"Man, when shit like that goes all up and gets down, you just gotta be holding your motherfucking head up high, bro, learn from them fucking mishappenings and learn to rock without that shit," he said, before exhaling a deep toke. Tavros merely blinked in an attempt to understand, before laughing nervously, and nodding. Gamzee then brought his lips to his pipe and went to take another inhale, before frowning. "You's better than that shit, brother." He then proceeded to take the hit.

Gamzee put his doodling pad down, and crossed his legs, turning to face Tavros.

"Let's get the motherfuck outta here," he said, slapping his knobby knees.

"Uhh," Tavros's eyes widened and he quickly looked away, as he had been lost in staring again, and looked down to his laptop screen. "Where is there to go?"

"Man I ain't been in motherfucking knowledge of that shit bro," he stood up and tossed Tavros's hoodie at him, before pulling one on himself, and grabbing a pack of cigarettes, and his lighter. "I just been thinking that we gotta get real up and go now."

Tavros slowly climbed off his bed, his eyes wide. "You aren't like, being followed by someone or anything, are you?" he asked, rather quickly.

Gamzee merely laughed that perfect laugh that sounded like warm caramel being poured into Tavros's mind, and took Tavros's hands, before leading him the fuck outta the dorm building, into the streets. It was almost midnight, and the moon hung high in the sky, its pale light shadowed by the yellow light cast by the streetlamps onto the wet asphalt below. Gamzee lit up a cigarette, and Tavros watched as his long, gangly legs moved him forward as he took extended, seemingly endless strides. Tavros followed closely behind him, clutching himself and looking around in the darkness. The smell of Gamzee's cigarette faded, and Tavros gasped, before jogging to catch up.

The back of the school dorm looked out to the water, and Gamzee adored spending time there. He often bought stale bread from the cafeteria and fed the various creatures which he seemed to draw to the shores for his baked offerings. His hoodie's pockets were currently stuffed with what remained from the morning before. Tavros had spent many a time walking through the campus, to notice the odd boy sitting at the edge of the water, in the sand, without caring about the condition of his clothing, and tossing chunks of bread into the water for the ducks and things.

Gamzee ventured there, Tavros in toe. Before reaching the edge of the water, a small inlet, surrounded by trees which darkened the area even further, Gamzee thrust his hands into his pockets, and produced a handful of bread chunks, which he handed to Tavros. Tavros made a sound to reject, but he knew of Gamzee's persistence, and held out both his hands for the single handful. Gamzee then grinned in reply, and continued to lead Tavros to the spot.

Beside the small area, was a tall set of stairs, which lead further down to the water, and a beach area where, in summer, many of the students often spent time. Gamzee avoided that area, and instead jumped down, carefully, to the rocky inlet, where the ducks felt far more comfortable, than at the busy communal beach area. He tossed a few bread chunks into the water, before turning and extending his hand to Tavros, who swallowed hard, before taking it, and jumping down to ground below. He looked to the water, which seemed perfectly still and dark, safe for those chunks of bread floating, and absorbing their fill of the water.

Mere moments passed, and there was a sudden influx of birds flapping their wings and splashing about, embarking towards them. Tavros couldn't help but utter an enthusiastic gasp, to which Gamzee replied with a broad grin.

"Throw some in," he instructed.

Tavros looked to his, clutching the overflowing amounts of stale bread, before he took some pieces with his other hand, and nonchalantly tossed it at the impending water-dwelling birds. He giggled with joy as duck quickly gobbled up a large chunk, and the others followed suit. Tavros squatted downwards, and tossed in a few more pieces, prompting the ducks to get closer. Gamzee leaned against a tree, smoking his cigarette, watching him with a contended smirk.

Once the crumbs were gone, Gamzee produced two bottles of some odd, fruity soda from his seemingly endless pockets, and handed one to Tavros, who peered into it curiously, and proceeded to taste it. It wasn't horrible, but Gamzee clearly enjoyed it far more than Tavros did. He climbed the tree against which he had been leaning, and dangled his legs down on either side of a low-hanging branch. Tavros, meanwhile, perched himself onto a large rock, which jutted out from the shore. For the remainder of the night, beneath the moonlight, they sipped Faygo, and talked, while Gamzee smoked cigarette after cigarette.

"Why do you smoke so much?" Tavros asked at one point. "I mean, everything you smoke."

"I ain't been really in the knowledge of that motherfucking shit no more, bro," Gamzee replied, sighing as he eyed the burning ember at the end of the white cylinder. "Karkat's been really all up in my motherfucking grill about quitting, but I don't been much seein' the point, y'know?"

"Aren't you worried it's making you unhealthy?" he asked. "And scrambling your brain?"

"There ain't been nothing that can fuck up this here pan already more than it's been fucked up, bro," Gamzee replied, with a lop-sided grin, bearing his teeth.

The conversation drifted from random, childhood memories, to thoughts about the future, to each other's love life – from recent past, to long ago past, to present, to future. About Tavros's childhood upbringing, working on a dairy farm where he was raised to take care of cows and bulls alike, to Gamzee explaining how his mother walked out on him a few years after he was born, and left him and his father in crap living conditions, working two jobs each, to afford to thrive. They spoke until the moon swam through the sky, and hung low in the darkness. Eventually, Tavros yawned, and Gamzee dropped down from the tree.

"C'mon, bro," he said. "Time to get you some motherfucking shut-eye."

Tavros awoke the next morning, smelling like stale cigarettes, to an empty room. There was a sticky-note pasted to the top of his laptop, which had been sitting upon the bed, and in long, scribbly handwriting, it read "_HaD a GrEaT mOtHeRfUcKiNg TiMe LaSt NiGhT. wE bEsT bE aLl Up N eNjOyInG tHeMs NiGhT tImE wAnDeRiNgS aGaIn, BrO. tHeM fEeLiNgS jAm Be SoMeThInG wE bOtH gEt MoThErFuCkInG uSe Of. Be SeEiN yOu ToNiGhT_" Tavros couldn't help but smile and clutch the note for a long moment, before preparing himself for class. Everything just seemed to be going far too well.

Too well, indeed.

Gamzee had elected to return home to see his dad, who was rather ill and in the hospital. Of course, there was not much Tavros could do while the other man was away, so he spent most of his time texting Gamzee to see how he was doing, under the circumstances. Gamzee assured him that Tavros had no need to worry about him, and should instead be worrying about himself. It had taken a long while before Tavros clicked the "send" button, and sent off a text that described how much he longed to be with Gamzee – hoping the odd man wouldn't take him the way his heart intended. Gamzee replied with "_BrO, yOu KnOw HoW mUcH tHaT wOuLd Be MaKiN tHiS fOoLiShNeSs MoThErFuCkInG eAsIeR_". Tavros sighed and said his goodnights to the other man, before laying back on his bed, and staring up at the ceiling. He thrust his hands into his pocket, and felt the crumbs remaining from pervious bread-chunk, duck-feeding endeavours, and a smile befell his face.

Before he knew what he was doing, he was venturing towards the inlet where Gamzee and Tavros had spent many an evening. The hallways had been dark and empty, so no one questioned him. His eyes still followed the walls, however, as he passed many a poster, including a sign warning of a student's missing bird-eating tarantula, and a band tryout held later in the week. When he got outside, the fresh air felt clean and cool, and he inhaled it deeply, comforted by the thought of his friend at his side.

His pockets where void of nourishment for the ducks, unfortunately, but the sight of them made him smile regardless. As he carefully descended the shallow cliff, to the rocky shore, the ducks already made their slow, cautious way towards him, perplexed by the lack of the other man who usually accompanied. He made a verbal apology to the birds, before sitting upon the rock, and looking out to the water, curiously.

The beach was visible from the inlet, and he saw something that caught his eye. Not just one thing, but two. A rather large something was being mercilessly attacked by a screeching seagull, looking for a succulent meal. A wave of emotion washed over him for a moment, and he felt inclined to attempt to rescue the poor creature, regardless of the hour or the fact that even if he saved the poor thing, it would probably end up being attacked by something else.

He lifted himself from the cliff, and ascended to the grass line, ducks quacking behind him in protest. He then ventured towards the stairs. He produced his phone from his pocket, and shone the light onto the wet stairs. They were steep and long, and lead down to the man-made beach below, which extended out into the water. In the darkness, it looked like a gradient, dissolving into a void of blackness. He carefully stepped down, just as his phone chirped to notify him of a dangerously low battery. He huffed and looked back out to the silhouettes. The thing appeared to look like a spider, but there was no telling for sure – what would an absurdly large spider be doing on the beach behind his dorm? He frowned and took another careful step, the railing slippery from a recent rainfall.

His phone beeped again, to notify him that the battery wouldn't last much longer, and therefore, neither would his light source. As he carefully took another step downwards, his foot slipped slightly to the side, and he gasped, clinging to the railing to stabilise himself. Once he was on his feet, he took another step, and another, his phone uttering another warning beep.

It beeped frantically only once more, before the light went out, and Tavros was left standing in the darkness. He swallowed hard, and reached his hand out for the next chunk of railing, his foot plunging into the darkness, until it found solidity. He carefully took the step, before jutting his other leg out to make the same motion. However, he failed to notice a rather large puddle consuming the next step, due to the darkness which encompassed him, and his foot slipped forward out from beneath him. He grasped frantically for the railing, but the water clinging to it, made it too slippery. Before he knew it, he was tumbling backwards down the stairs. He attempted to stabilise himself, but he overcompensated, and flipped forwards, cracking his head, neck, and back on the stairs. The pain which had been shooting through his entire body, suddenly seized, and everything went numb.

Next thing he knew, he was laying at the bottom of the stairs. His small body shook as he slowly lifted his head, thankful that he could even do so, to view his legs. They were behind him and bent at awkward angles, suggesting that they were both probably broken. However, he could not feel any pain in them. Not even the dull throbbing which usually accompanied broken bones. Nothingness. He panicked, his breath shaking, before attempting to call out, but his voice couldn't find him. His arms slowly moved, though he suspected a broken wrist in one, but from his waist down, was a distinct lack of feeling.

He peered forward and saw the two silhouettes in the distance. The seagull shrieked and plunged for the large spider, but the spider swatted at it, and backed away towards Tavros. He dug his hands into the wet sand below him, and pushed himself forward, towards the silhouettes, hoping that perhaps the numbness would go away and he would find his voice, if he merely persisted upon his goal. He dragged himself towards the spider, before witnessing the seagull finally sink its beak into one of the spider's legs. It lifted the poor thing off the ground, and shook its head, sending it flying towards Tavros, without its leg. Tavros gasped and winced as the thing landed a meter or so away from him.

He crawled towards it, his legs still unfeeling, tears streaming down his face with the panic and pain that he could feel. His hand swam from a possible concussion, but he persisted in his endeavour. Eventually, he reached the spider, and found that it had been covered in wounds: fatal stab wounds in its abdomen and thorax, and it was missing an eye and a leg. The poor thing wouldn't survive, that much was true. Tavros spotted a rock nearby, which he could have used to end the poor thing's suffering. He eyed the rock for a long moment, before glancing to the spider, who twitched its remaining legs, attempting to return its coordinates and maybe run off, in hopes of survival. Tavros reached for the rock and clutched it tightly, staring at the poor, incessant, dying creature. He held the rock above it for a long moment, before his arm gave out from weakness, and the added weight, and he dropped the rock to his side. He couldn't kill the poor thing. He simply laid beside it, unconsciousness grasping at him, pulling him into the darkness, lying helplessly beside the dying spider.


	2. Chapter 2

Gamzee had taken the train back to the university the following day, after his father had noticed his evident turmoil when receiving the text about Tavros, and insisted that he would be fine for a while, if he needed to be with his friend. He hadn't wasted any time, before desperately skateboarding to the hospital. He flung his slender figure at the reception desk, and explained that Tavros Nitram was a friend of his, and he urgently wanted to see him, or at least know his condition. The news was shocking, and he couldn't help but turn away, and collapse to his knees, staring forward down the seemingly endless hallway.

"He's broken areas in his spine that can't be repaired properly," the nurse had said, gravely. "He has lost the use of his legs. He'll never walk again."

A week later, Gamzee wheeled Tavros out of the hospital, in a wheelchair. The week in the hospital had been Hell for Tavros, and therefore for Gamzee as well. He was forced to watch as his friend would spend hours, forcing himself to connect with his legs, trying ceaselessly to make them move, to wiggle his toes, to feel something, anything. But there was nothing. Day after day, there was nothing. Tavros seemed to lose a sense of meaning, and would lie in bed, staring at the wall, not speaking. He seemed to empty himself, and everything Gamzee said seemed pointless. He wasn't listening. He was a shell of his former self.

They returned to the dorm, taking the same ramps that they used to sprint up for shits and giggles, and the same elevator they hadn't considered as meaningful as now. Many people stood in the hallways, watching them as they ventured towards their room, and Gamzee shot them all poisonous glares. Tavros, meanwhile, stared at his knees, his expression blank and lifeless. Gamzee wheeled him into the dorm room, and closed and locked the door behind himself. Many cards and flowers were sitting on Tavros's bed, from friends of his, and classmates, but Tavros wished not to see or acknowledge them. Gamzee removed them all, and then proceeded to stand in front of Tavros, looking down at him.

"I'mma lift your ass into that motherfucking bed, aight?" Gamzee said, watching him.

Tavros shrugged.

Gamzee bent down, and carefully held on to Tavros's legs, something Tavros couldn't feel. What he could feel, however, was Gamzee then proceed to wrap his other arm around Tavros's shoulders, holding him tightly against him. Tavros felt his face blush and he swallowed hard, his cheek pressed against Gamzee's as he lifted him out of the chair. Gamzee backed into the bed, and slowly sat down, laying Tavros's legs across his lap, but still holding his torso.

"It'll be okay, brother," Gamzee assured him, and that was the most nonsensical thing Tavros had ever heard him say.

However, the words themselves were enough to make Tavros's heart suddenly throb in agony with the realisation that this was the way it would be for the rest of his life.

"I'm not gonna leave you alone," Gamzee concluded. "I promise."

With that, Tavros wrapped his arms around Gamzee's shoulders, and buried his face in his neck, uncontrollably sobbing for the first time since the accident. Gamzee's long arms snaked tighter around the younger, and held him tightly, stroking his back and shushing him softly as he sobbed the remainder of the day away. And, like Gamzee promised, he hadn't left him alone for the entirety of it.

A month later, Gamzee was on the back of Tavros's wheelchair, kicking off the ground to make it go as fast as possible, while Tavros steered. The first time they attempted this, they were totaled and ended up in a bush, laughing wildly. Gamzee and Tavros spent much time in the engineer department, where a good friend of Gamzee's, a tall, body-builder and mechanical genius named Equius, modified the wheelchair in all various ways, including a place where Gamzee could stand without the chair flipping backwards, a steering system, and various other enhancements which improved the wheelchair and Tavros's appreciation thereof, substantially. It had annoyed Equius that Gamzee was hanging around someone as low on the totem pole, in comparison, as Tavros, but Gamzee merely insisted that he was a good kid, and he needed someone (Tavros usually spent his time playing around with Equius's long-time girlfriend, Nepeta, and her several kittens, while Equius worked on his chair, and Gamzee observed the progress).

Gamzee had been attending physiotherapy classes with Tavros, to ensure circulation in his legs and the like. The physiotherapist said that nothing was impossible, which gave Tavros faith, but Gamzee was rather sure that Tavros would never walk, at least with those legs, regardless of the time spent bending his legs up and down. Tavros appreciated his company, however, and Gamzee couldn't refuse those huge, brown eyes.

"Lay on them breaks, bro!" Gamzee called to Tavros as they arrived at the dorm building.

Tavros did as he was told, and pulled back the break slowly, which put pressure and friction against the wheels, slowing them. Gamzee leapt off the back of the wheelchair, and kicked the button which opened the doors, and followed Tavros as he wheeled his chair into the dorm, towards the elevator. When they got to the room, Tavros lifted himself into his bed, with the help of installed guard rails, while Gamzee sat tossed himself onto his bed, a newly-rolled joint in his hands. He lit it, while Tavros watched him, and took a long inhale. He then paused, and glanced to Tavros.

"I ain't never been real in asking you bout this motherfucking shit bro," he said, narrowing his eyes at the smoking weed. "But, would you be all up and considering trying this shit?"

Tavros frowned for a long moment. He had tried many different things with Gamzee's advising, and quite a few he knew he would never try again, but he seemed to have an odd sense of courage, when Gamzee was assisting him, holding his hand – figuratively. He eyed the joint curiously, before swallowing hard, and shrugging.

"None even your legs gonna be an issue bro," he said. "You'll be real motherfucking forgetful of all your dark issues. I promise."

Tavros eventually reluctantly nodded, and slowly reached out his hand towards him, for the joint. Gamzee took another toke, before handing it to him, across the gap between their beds. He felt Tavros's fingers against his fingertips, and found himself rather reluctant to move away, but he did anyway. He tossed on his red sunglasses, and leaned against the wall, his half-lidded eyes on Tavros.

"Bro there ain't no need for you to be all up and enjoying this motherfucking shit," he said.

"I know," Tavros replied, before bringing the end to his lips.

It tasted like nothing he had ever tasted, and he pulled away for a moment. He heard Gamzee chuckling, and he blushed deeply, before holding his breath, and bringing the tip between his lips, and sucking hard. Once he had a mouthful, he inhaled, and held it for a brief moment, before exploding into a fit of coughing. This caused Gamzee to laugh loudly, clutching his waist, cackling. He reached over and took the joint back from him, taking another toke himself, and closing his eyes.

After a few more attempts on Tavros's behalf, his eyes became rather squinted, and bright red, his head swimming. He felt… fantastic. His mind swam about in his head, and thoughts came like dust particles glistening in the sunlight, streaming through the window. He laughed at nothing, which prompted Gamzee to laugh, and before they knew it, they were laughing hysterically, for no reason at all. The lack of feeling in his legs seemed trivial, almost funny, as he poked them, picked them up and dropped them, and he couldn't feel a thing.

"Peanut butter," he mumbled, suddenly. "Gamzee, I want a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich."

Gamzee laughed out the smoke in his lungs, slapping his knee. "Bro, I got that shit motherfucking covered."

Next thing Tavros knew, he was catching a freshly-made peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which had been tossed to him. Gamzee made one for himself, and tossed the jelly back into the mini-fridge, and the peanut butter under his bed, before crawling off his own bed, and into Tavros's. He put an arm around Tavros's shoulder, and ate his own sandwich with him.

"This is," Tavros said, chewing. He swallowed. "Motherfucking good."

Gamzee burst into a fit of laughter once more, before patting Tavros's shoulder. "Damn motherfucking straight, bro."

After their sandwiches, Gamzee chuckled, and looked down to Tavros, whose cheeks were sticky with jelly. He licked his thumb, and brought it towards Tavros, wiping off the jelly. Tavros's eyes connected with Gamzee's, and froze for a long moment, before a throb ran through him, definitely induced by the substance he had just smoked. Gamzee recognized the feeling, noticing it flashing over the younger's large, brown eyes, and his thumb trailed over Tavros's bottom lip, slowly. A single heartbeat passed, before Tavros abandoned control, and lunged at Gamzee, flinging his arms around Gamzee's neck, and connecting their lips. Gamzee didn't hesitate in wrapping his arms around the smaller boy's figure, holding him tight against him, kissing him hard in return.

Gamzee's lips warm, soft lips were clearly more practiced, as they manipulated Tavros's more shaky, less-skilled lips open, and glided his tongue over his bottom lip, tasting the remnants of the jelly. Tavros, feeling himself aching with longing, met his tongue to Gamzee's, tasting him in return. Gamzee coaxed Tavros's tongue between his lips, and sucked at it gently, Tavros melting in his arms, a small sound escaping his throat, which only fuelled Gamzee farther. His hands found the fringes in Tavros's shirt, and his fingertips clawed up his back, feeling his skin, warm against his fingertips and palms. Tavros arched against him, another shaky moan escaping his lips, his breath quickening. Before he realised which way was up, Gamzee's eyes flashed open, and he pulled away. Tavros's eyes did the same, and he looked at him with disappointment, his breath fast and hard.

"I ain't gonna be charged on my motherfucking soul with taking advantage of you, brother," Gamzee said, his voice betraying his words as it shook.

"You won't be," Tavros whined, his fingertips running over the skin of Gamzee's neck. "I want this. I want you."

"You was maybe wanting this now," he said, swallowing a lump behind his throat. "I'mma be worried you won't be all up and wanting it in an hour or two."

Tavros slowly nodded, and looked away from him, feeling ashamed for having instigated it. Gamzee sighed, and held the smaller boy tighter, smiling gently as he felt Tavros's Mohawked head against his chest. While Tavros's eyes fluttered shut, drifting slowly into the void of unconsciousness, Gamzee looked up to the ceiling, trying to clear his remarkably fuzzy head.

Gamzee was the one to awaken alone the next morning, acknowledging it that it was a Saturday, before acknowledging that he was still lying in the bed in which he had Tavros had fallen asleep. A note sat on the jar of peanut butter, which had been produced from beneath Gamzee's bed. Gamzee grinned, and practically dripped off the bed, collecting the note in both his hands, and squinting to read the odd writing.

"_wENT TO PHYSIO EARLY,, sEE YOU AFTER_"

Gamzee pocketed the letter, with a broad grin, still tasting Tavros's lips upon his.

Days passed normally, and Gamzee and Tavros neglected to speak about what had transpired the days prior. Gamzee had usually been the one to instigate a "feelings jam", but he believed that the conversation couldn't possibly end anywhere safe. Nevertheless, as he attended his classes, as he fed the ducks, as he wheeled Tavros about, and as he looked at him each night, lost in books, or trapped behind his computer screen, those full lips were still on his mind, and he involuntarily licked his lips to taste the other boy's.

Tavros had elected to try pot a few times afterwards, and Gamzee was more than happy to oblige, but made sure that the circumstances would not repeat themselves, so he would pack a bag of snacks and Faygo beforehand, before venturing to the inlet. He would carry Tavros, carefully down the cliff side, and sit him down onto a flat stone, before climbing the tree and sitting on the low-hanging branch, while they both ate various snacks, laughed at nothing, and fed the ducks.

Eventually, the physiotherapist insisted that it was no longer necessary for Tavros to come to classes, and that Gamzee could help him enough without the therapist's assistance. Gamzee had taken the initiative to purchase a large, soft mat, which he laid out onto the floor between the two beds, and laid Tavros down onto it carefully, before helping him with the positions and activities the therapist had suggested for the improved circulation.

He would lift his leg and lean onto it, while Tavros exhaled slowly as his own knee approached his face. Gamzee would hold it there for a while, his face inches away from Tavros's, before moving away, and doing the same to the other leg. Tavros's eyes were fixed on Gamzee's as he did these exercises, and it was becoming increasingly difficult for Gamzee to keep his mind off of the kiss. Sometimes, as he moved away from Tavros's numb legs, his fingertips lingered upon Tavros's thighs, his heart throbbing, before he backed away quickly. Little did Gamzee know, that although he couldn't feel or move his legs, there were areas upon his thighs, hips, and between those places, that still functioned, and he could still feel. He suppressed a smile each time it occurred.

Tavros eventually met Gamzee's close friends, Terezi and Karkat. Karkat was a short, dark-haired boy with a vicious temper, and a cynical outlook on pretty much everything. Terezi was a violent, energetic, and somehow exciting character, with a very big flaw – she was blind. It was for this reason, that Tavros and Terezi seemed to be able to maintain some kind of conversation, based on people with disabilities and the lack of accommodations therefor. Equius and Nepeta often spent time with Gamzee, and since it was a rare moment in Gamzee's life where he was not with Tavros, exterior to classes, Tavros began to grow on the pair. Even Tavros's own friends, had met Gamzee. Sollux, an odd boy with two different-coloured eyes, and a severe lisp, hadn't been a fan of Gamzee. Aradia, Sollux's girlfriend, didn't seem to have a strong opinion of him (but she was an old girlfriend of Equius's). However, when Karkat and Sollux met, there seemed to be something there which could lead to a friendship. And, thus, a group of companions were born.

Various other people, who previously hadn't given Tavros the time of day, constantly approached him for the sake of earning his favour in some way or another, since the "disabled boy on campus" could possibly have a louder voice than most, especially when it came to votes for student council. The pair who had been famous for winning, year after year, (the female of which who was practically guaranteed the valedictorian position), and who had copious amounts of power, due to their family's wealth, were incessant. Eridan, the male, was cruel and malicious, often asserting his power over those clearly less fortunate than him. Feferi was more pleasant, but powerful and gorgeous – and she knew it (and was not afraid to show it). Eridan's main opponent, Kanaya, was a tall, slender, beautiful woman with a smooth voice, articulate method of speech, and an affinity for fashion. She usually kept to herself, but her and her girlfriend, Rose, were quick to approach Tavros constantly, if Eridan and Feferi hadn't done so first, to ask him what the campus could do to assist him. To both, he'd consistently reply with "I have all I need," before smiling at Gamzee, who couldn't help but blush lightly.

As the end of the semester neared, the hardships seemed to fade away, and things were looking up, significantly. Gamzee and Tavros kept up with their studies, maintained their routine, and strengthened their friendship. Every day, Tavros would make a comment about how, with Gamzee's help, he seemed to be feeling consistently better about his condition, and even hoped towards a day when he didn't need Gamzee's help any longer. Despite Gamzee's yearning for Tavros's happiness, he still felt a level of indignation towards the concept of a full recovery, not only because he wouldn't be needed any longer, but because it was it seemed to be false hope insisted upon Tavros by that bubbly broad physiotherapist.

So much so, that while Tavros was attending a class, and Gamzee had a free period, he ventured to the physiotherapy office and demanded to speak with the therapist herself, Dr. Jade Harley. She had been idly watering a rather large, impressive plant when he entered the room, and turned to face him with a large smile.

"Gamzee!" she greeted him. "It's good to see how. How has Tavros been? You know, you've been playing a huge part in his recovery, by ensuring that he doesn't become depressed. It would only make rehabilitation worse on him. I think that's really great of you!"

"Rehabilitation, recovery," Gamzee waved his hand vaguely in the air. "You been mentioning all these words, Doc, but is you honestly thinking he's gonna just get better? You think he's gonna all up and repairing his spine and walking again? You real motherfucking honest in this?"

She frowned slightly. "It may seem unlikely, but it isn't a foreign concept to us," she insisted. "It has happened."

"But to him!" he insisted, balling his fists. "I ain't been motherfucking talking about shit that's been all up and happening before. Tavros. My Tavros. You really think he's gonna recover, or not?"

She stayed silent for a long moment, the cheerful, chipper attitude of her usual self, fading away to worry and contemplation. She sighed heavily and held the watering can tighter to her. "I wouldn't reject the concept, but-"

Before she had the chance to finish, Gamzee nodded and sighed heavily. "Been thinking as much," he said, before turning and walking out of the building, never mentioning the event to Tavros.


	3. Chapter 3

That night, Gamzee passed the smoking pipe to Tavros, and as he watched the long plume of thick, white smoke disappear through the pipe, he thought about the physiotherapist's words. She was paid to remain optimistic, and that's what kept people returning to her for assistance in recuperation. However, he knew that there was no guarantee on Tavros's recovery, and the chances therefor were too slim for even the most glass-half-full thinkers to outright claim. As Tavros coughed softly, and passed the pipe back, Gamzee returned to reality, and accepted it, before looking down to the tiny ember dying within the bowl.

"Tavbro," he said, slowly, before taking another hit. One Tavros's eyes slowly met Gamzee, and he stuck out his chin in acknowledgement. Gamzee held the toke for a moment, before exhaling slowly and setting the pipe aside. "You really been all up and thinking about your recovery?"

"You mean walking again?" he asked, curiously. "Yeah, I guess I have. I mean, I know the chances probably aren't great, but I'd still like to have something to look forward to. I kinda consider this a blessing, I guess. It's sort of taught me how to live life differently, to appreciate the shit you have, to remain optimistic in the face of difficulty, even when everyone else around you is doubtful."

Gamzee's reddened, glazed eyes stared at him for a long moment, questioning his optimism. How could he be so positive about something for which the chances were exceedingly slim? How could he possibly consider his situation, his disability, a blessing? It's ruined his ability to walk, it's hindered him from countless things, it's-

"Plus, it's brought me closer to you," he said after a while, his large, glossy, brown eyes meeting Gamzee's.

Gamzee's breath evacuated his lungs. He slowly smiled and looked away, nodding, before lighting the pipe once more and taking a long hit. He passed it to Tavros, static developing between their hands as they nearly touched. Gamzee felt himself wanting to grab Tavros's wrist, to pull him towards him, to kiss him hard and endlessly, but he pulled away and swallowed hard, running a hand through his messy hair. Perhaps it had been a blessing for the both of them. If it hadn't been for the accident, the connection that developed between them, may have never happened. Tavros and Gamzee both valued the friendship that developed, and although the relationship seemed fragile and confusing at times, it was still something which made life more than worth living, for the both of them. Who knows the kind of depression into which Tavros might have slipped, without Gamzee at his side, assisting him, keeping him positive and reinforced?

Gamzee's life, on the other hand, would have stayed simple. He could envision himself slipping through life, as though on a life raft, drifting endlessly through the sea, smoking, working, loving, learning, losing, living. It seemed too easy, despite being what he always wanted. He had a new dream, now. A new will. And he couldn't simply abandon it. He leapt out of the life raft and dove into the ocean, swimming with the creatures – harmless fish and deadly shark alike.

"I think my legs are cramping," Tavros announced, passing back the pipe. "Do you think we could do a quick session?"

"Sure thing, bro," Gamzee groaned and dripped out of bed. He laid out the mat, followed by Tavros himself.

Tavros sighed as Gamzee gripped his legs and moved them upwards, already improving their circulation. He moved one leg in large, circular motions, and Tavros kept his breathing steady, as he had been instructed. He then followed with the other leg, his fingertips slowly falling down the length of his leg, watching him closely. He exhaled sharply and went through a few more basic exercises, before bringing both his knees upwards. He slowly leaned his weight against them, and Tavros closed his eyes, exhaling slowly at the feeling of the cramp finally being worked out of his legs and back. Despite not being able to feel it in his legs, his back and what he could feel, felt it tenfold, not to mention the excruciating phantom pain.

As Gamzee leaned downwards, his face came closer to Tavros's, and he found himself locked in place when Tavros's eyes opened once more, and met Gamzee's. A throb ran through the both of them at once and Gamzee's breath caught at the sound of Tavros swallowing hard. Slowly, he parted Tavros's legs, and laid them down on either side of Gamzee's, his hips pressing against Tavros's, causing Tavros to inhale sharply. Slowly, he bent his head downwards, his eyes not leaving Tavros's, until they slowly closed as their lips finally met.

The kiss was slower, less frantic, a cautious step towards satisfying the incessant ache that had been boiling within the both of them. Gamzee heartily tasted Tavros's mouth, sucking at his lips and tongue, wanting nothing more to savour the flavour of him endlessly. Tavros's arms reached upwards, and shaking hands slowly entangled themselves in Gamzee's hair, lost in the thick abundance of blackness. He could feel Tavros's fingertips against his scalp, and chills rose on his arms and back from the feeling.

He was reluctant to part from him, but it wasn't for long, as he looked down at Tavros, his eyes tight upon those large, milk chocolate, still-glossy eyes. Slowly, he removed his shirt, bearing his gangly figure, thin and lean beneath the masses of clothing he usually wore. Tavros reluctantly lifted a hand, and softly, his fingertips felt over Gamzee's skin, down his chest and stomach, stopping at the waistband of his pants. Gamzee's breath caught again at the feeling of his hands, and he couldn't help but shudder. He hadn't felt a touch like that in far too long. Terezi was always frantic, and there was no passion. Karkat and him had never ventured this far. There was something in the way he touched him, the way he felt him and explored him with his fingertips. He yearned for this. He ached for it.

His teeth rested against his bottom lip, and, gently, he pressed his hips harder against Tavros's, prompting a soft whimper from the younger's parted lips.

"You feel that?" Gamzee breathed, to which Tavros nodded in reply.

"I always have."

Gamzee slowly grinned and plunged down once more, kissing him harder, deeper, relentlessly. His hands wandered down and played with the fringes in Tavros's clothing. Tavros arched his back, allowing for Gamzee to pull off his shirt. He didn't hesitate in running his long-fingered hands down Tavros's smaller figure, unable to keep his own hips from betraying his desire to move slowly, by grinding against Tavros's. A small, high-pitched moan escaped Tavros's mouth beneath Gamzee's, and Gamzee felt his arms grow weak. There was no denying that both were already throbbing with agonising desperation, and neither felt like taking their time.

It had been slow, though loud. Both had been completely lost in each other's overwhelming pleasure to monitor their volume levels. Gamzee had never felt anything as magnificent as being inside someone so deep, so passionately, and he knew he nothing else could ever compare. Tavros, meanwhile, had been completely innocent to the action, and thus the slow motion Gamzee developed worked well with him gradually growing accustomed to it. There were places where he felt nothing. But deep within him, where Gamzee most often was, he felt everything, and it was enough to make his entire being ache in the pleasure. He gave everything, willingly, to Gamzee, and he knew he would never ask for it back, even if he could have it. Gamzee couldn't help but watch as Tavros's eyebrows furrowed and mouth dropped open with each thrust, his expression contorted into pure pleasure until Gamzee's own visage matched it.

Afterwards, they laid beside each other on the floor, Tavros fully in Gamzee's arms, as both took the time to catch their breath. Gamzee's fingertips slowly traced up and down Tavros's shoulder, and Tavros clung to Gamzee so tightly, as though he was afraid he would blow away in breeze of Gamzee's breath. Gamzee couldn't help but kiss Tavros's head, his eyes slowly closing, the exhaustion from the event, and the vast satisfaction allowing him to drift off into unconsciousness, Tavros in toe, as usual.

The next morning, Gamzee received the call that his father was not expected to last the night. Tavros insisted upon joining him to return home, but Gamzee insisted that he continue his studies. Regardless of Gamzee's evident negativity towards Tavros being with him, the former couldn't imagine Gamzee being alone during the inevitable circumstance. He had taken both Gamzee's large, slender hands in his, and looked up and directly into his eyes, vocalising his persistence and his reasoning behind it. Gamzee smiled through the misery and eventually agreed to have Tavros join him.

The following two days were horrid. Gamzee introduced Tavros to his father, who was constantly slipping in and out of a drug-induced coma, which was far better for the pain. Eventually, the doctors asked Tavros to leave, and he was told to wait in the waiting room. Gamzee held his father's hand as he felt his life slip away, each ragged breath coming out slower and slower until no inhale followed. Gamzee pressed his forehead against his father's cold hand, silently saying his final farewells. After a few minutes, he left the room, and shuffled down the hallway. Tavros wheeled himself out of his parked place in the waiting room, and sat at the end of the hallway, watching Gamzee, his face low and invisible behind the endlessness of hair.

Tavros risked a small vocalisation. "Gamzee?" he softly said.

Gamzee took a few more steps towards Tavros, before collapsing to his knees, his head falling directly into Tavros's lap, where he audibly sobbed, clutching the numb legs tightly. Tavros couldn't help but weep silently at seeing this much emotion in the man he loved for the first time since he knew him. There was nothing he could do or say, except be there for him, hold his head in his lap, stroke his hair, and softly coo to ease the pain.

A wake was held, without a funeral, a few days afterwards, and Gamzee and Tavros stayed in Gamzee's childhood home, where his father had resided. He sorted out his various affairs, before standing, coldly, in the early summer air, around an urn which held the particles that remained of his father, before it was lowered into the ground. Tavros sat beside him, watching as it happened. Beside him, Gamzee looked like a stood like a scarecrow in the breeze, cutting through it like a blade, a razor of blackness, a mere silhouette. A shadow.

The return home was long and silent. Gamzee smoked a great deal of his botanical best friend when he returned home, sitting alone on the low-hanging tree branch, the soft quacking of the ducks not even being enough to comfort him. He was stumbling and murmuring when he returned to the dorm room, and Tavros didn't speak to him as he collapsed in his bed, unconscious mere moments later.

In the middle of the night, Tavros was awakened by Gamzee slowly crawling into the bed behind him, and clutching him tightly. He smelt heavily of marijuana, but it didn't phase Tavros. He grabbed Gamzee's hands and brought them around him, holding them in both his, closing his eyes, adoring the feeling of Gamzee's breath against his neck, despite being shallow from so much time spent crying. He knew that the gesture was Gamzee's silent way of thanking him, and he accepted it fully.

It took Gamzee a few days to recuperate from losing his father, but eventually, he had learned to accept that the man had lived a good, decent life, and Gamzee was prepared to work towards letting his spirit go. Both knew that Gamzee would never fully recover from the tragedy, but acceptance was a good step towards feeling fully like himself once more. His father had fought a long battle, and perhaps Gamzee knew for a while that it was inevitable. Nevertheless, Tavros had never left the other's side, and the nightly cuddles while Gamzee, in stoned stupors, babbled endlessly about fond memories of his father and him became fewer and farther between, reverting into simple cuddles and soft kissing.

Exams were now merely days away, and that would be the end of the semester, both men returning to their homes – or whatever was left of Gamzee's (predominantly the family pets – two, green snakes which had been in his family since he was a young boy). Tavros had made Gamzee promise that he would visit as often as possible, and he would attempt to do the same. Gamzee had merely kissed him softly and made, yet again, another promise, none of which he had broken yet.

Each day was spent in their usual routine, with the added benefit of kisses before class and stealing long kisses behind walls when no one was looking. Each night was spent in pure bliss, and they were beginning to suspect that the rest of the building was gathering on what was happening behind their closed door. The word of their coupling was taken rather well by their friends, though most seemed to have been anticipating it.

"We shipped you!" Nepeta purred. "You were my OTP! Besides me and Equius, of course." Whatever that meant.

Everything seemed to be going rather well, until things got exceedingly better. After a physiotherapy session, most of these now spent with Gamzee leaning on Tavros's legs, and Tavros reaching his head up to kiss Gamzee's lips softly, and repeating this with each exercise, Tavros groaned from incessant cramps he was feeling, despite the extensive physiotherapy. Gamzee had done everything, from massaging his legs, his back, to straightening them and putting stress on them constantly. He had no idea what to do to help the predicament, but Tavros was clearly in distress. He sat back and elected to smoke a bowl with Tavros, while they contemplated a plan, if the weed itself didn't cure the pain first. While he lit the pipe, he heard a gasp come from Tavros, the likes of which could only be compared to a woman's gasp while her baby was falling off of something rather high. He practically tossed his pipe as he attempted to realign himself and tend to the issue.

"Look," was all Tavros said, his eyes near perfect circles as they looked down to his own legs.

Gamzee's eyes followed, tracing slowly down Tavros's legs, before stopping at his feet. He furrowed his brow.

"Bro I ain't seeing shit," he commented.

"Just," Tavros said loudly, silencing him. "Watch."

After an agonisingly long moment of nothing particularly happening, Gamzee huffed and sat back, raising an eyebrow. Perhaps he felt something or saw something that didn't truly transpire? Just as Gamzee elected to stop the silence before Tavros could get his hopes up too much, something did happen. It was so small, and so insignificant to those who took it for granted, but as the light shone through the window onto Tavros's numb feet, the significance if the tiny action was the important in the world. Slowly, his big and second toes in each foot, wiggled.

"Do you see that?!" Tavros asked, frantically.

Gamzee practically leapt off the bed and squatted down to Tavros's feet, watching in awe.

"I been motherfucking seeing that shit bro!" he shouted.

Both then began cheering and laughing excitedly as the small motion persisted. Gamzee launched himself at Tavros, and wrapped his arms around him, kissing him hard in celebration. Tavros couldn't help it as tears fell down his face, and Gamzee held him tightly enough to suffocate him. Seconds later, there came a knocking at their door.

"I don't give a fuck what you two are doing in that smoke-filled, brothel of a room, but cover make yourselves at least somewhat decent, and let me the fuck in," said Karkat from outside.

Gamzee lunged at the door and pried it open, before laughing loudly at the sight of his best friend, and wrapping his arms around him, spinning him in a circle. Karkat cried out in protest until Gamzee placed him back on the ground.

"They's movin'!" he exclaimed. "Tavros's motherfucking toesies, bro! They's on the motherfucking move!"

Karkat relaxed slightly and crossed his arms, grinning. "I guess that's as good news as any," he remarked.

Gamzee cheered again, before declaring that a celebratory luncheon was in order. Tavros's stomach agreed audibly, and Gamzee helped him into his chair, before wheeling him out of the building.

It was a cold evening when Gamzee and Tavros had a final exam that happened to fall on the same night. After their exam, they agreed to meet in front of a local restaurant to celebrate the end of term. They had been asked to go out with a few friends, but both elected to spend the evening with each other. Tavros was the first to arrive at the street corner, clutching his jacket to himself as he looked around in the darkness, the world bathed in the yellow street lights. A few strangers from the school idly crossed the otherwise baron streets, and Tavros felt eerily alone, a feeling which did not last, as a small vehicle slowly pulled up the street, stopping in front of him.

He wheeled his chair backwards, reluctantly, keeping his gaze low and attempting to escape the bright, white lights which fell upon him. The vehicle drove fully in front of him, and a window slowly rolled down. He couldn't see into the darkness of the car, but he didn't put much effort in, as he merely attempt to escape the sight.

"Tavros," said a voice, which made his blood run cold. He swallowed hard and slowly lifted his head, looking to the car. Please, no, he said to himself. Not her. Not now.

"Vriska," he reluctantly uttered.

"I heard about your accident," she said, leaning her face towards the open window to get a better look at her ex-boyfriend. Tavros kept his gaze away, but he could still feel her piercing gaze penetrating him, chilling him to the very core of his entity. "Sorry to hear about it."

"What do you want," he said, as more of a demand than a question, the shakiness of his voice betraying his attempted severity.

"Don't be such an ass," Vriska replied, coldly. "I was in the neighbourhood. Figured I'd see if I could spot you on campus. Looks like today was my lucky day."

"I'm waiting for someone," Tavros mumbled.

"I heard that too," she grinned. "A guy, right? I guess I always had the hunch. Does he make you happy?"

"I'm not going to answer that, Vriska," he said. "Now, if that's everything, he should be around soon."

"Yeah, of course, sorry for keeping you," she said, before beginning to pull the car away. Just as Tavros managed to exhale a deep sigh of relief, the white lights on the back of the vehicle switched on, and the car began backing up towards him again. "Actually!" Vriska said, leaning out the window once more. "On second thought, there's something I've been meaning to ask you, Tavros. How fucking _dare_ you!?"

"Vriska, I don't want to do this now," he said, and he began to wheel his chair away from her, down the sidewalk. Vriska, relentless as usual, followed with her vehicle, closely beside him.

"No!" she called after him. "I don't fucking care what you want to do! What the fuck gave you the right to leave me like that? I have done nothing but care about you, and you fuck off one day without so much as a goodbye letter? A kiss on the cheek? A 'gee, Vriska, thanks so much for the memories!'?"

As she babbled on, Tavros approached the end of the block, the other corner down the street, where lights marked an intersection. He knew she wouldn't follow him into the middle of the intersection, but he could be fast enough to wheel his chair beyond the traffic to escape her wrath, before the light changed. He didn't listen to her as she went on, not paying attention to the road, the landscape, the on-coming vehicles.

Tavros stopped suddenly at the end of the intersection, frowning at the thought that he hadn't made the light to cross the street and be rid of her. Vriska, meanwhile, had her eyes on Tavros as she came to the light, already having anticipated Tavros's plan. Tavros quickly turned his head, suddenly aware of how forward her vehicle was, deep into the intersection, and the on-coming traffic was too fast to come to a complete stop. He called out her name, but it was too late.

It all happened in slow-motion. The front of her car was too far into the intersection, and an on-coming pick-up truck slammed head-on into it. The sound of the pick-up's horn was a slow moaning as it came to Tavros's ears, and he watched, his huge, bright, brown eyes wide, as the front of the pick-up swerved in an attempt to miss Vriska's vehicle, which span towards him, to face him fully. His eyes illuminated as the bright lights of the pick-up truck gazed back at him. Before he knew it, the grill of the truck ran into him, and he was trapped. It attempted to stop, but Tavros was already pulled beneath it, crushed under the weight of the tires.

There was no pain. No bright lights or tunnels. Just sudden resounding silence. And that was it.

Terezi stood in horror from down the street, as the pick-up truck drove onto the sidewalk, and ran over the small figure of Tavros. She couldn't see it, but she could hear it. The squealing of the tires, the colliding of metal upon metal, the horn. She didn't know who the victim had been, but the man beside her, holding on to her arm, told her. Not with words, but with a sudden stiffening, before uttering a blood-curdling scream. Suddenly, he was no longer at her side.

Gamzee's vision blurred as he sprinted towards the body of his lover. His legs gave out before they could reach the vehicle fully, and his screaming was already being strangled by sobbing. He could only repeat the same one syllable over and over again: "No". His body ached and shook uncontrollably, his mind trying to rationalise what he had just witnessed. There was no way it could have been real. There was no way he just watched the man he loved being crushed beneath the weight of a vehicle. He managed to find Tavros beneath the wreckage. He was tangled in his own chair, inhumanly, like clay being moulded around a metal frame. His head, bleeding profusely, was laying on the ground, and Gamzee held it in his hands, laying it in his lap, screaming miserably, soaked in Tavros's blood. He looked down to him, and pressed his lips to Tavros's, uncaring about the blood drenching his own lips.

"No, no, no," he sobbed. "Please, God, no. Tavros. _TAVROS, NO!_"

Gamzee refused to let go of Tavros's head as the ambulance came and carefully untangled the body from the wheelchair, and the vehicle under which it was pinned. It took two men to drag him away. At first, he wrestled and screamed incessantly, slicing his face against blade-like, metal debris from the grill of the pick-up. His own blood ran down his face, mixing with Tavros's at his chin and lips. Eventually, however, he went limp, dead, cold. Numb. Thoughts refused to come to him. Simply darkness. Endless darkness. His mind clouded over and emptiness consumed him, like a starving void, yearning to taste his flesh, his consciousness, his emotions and senses. Everything. Trapped behind a thick smoke screen, consuming him, blinding him, deafening him, devouring him.

After that, Gamzee was just never the same again. He turned to sobriety. He snapped when people came near him. He lost all of his friends, and burned every bridge. Karkat had been his only comfort for a while, but eventually he pushed even his best friend away, or began to use those who tried to approach him. He was practically murderous, at times, and was seen as something to avoid. He was dark and unfeeling. He was broken far beyond the chance of repair. But he embraced this empty life, taking it in like the scars upon his visage from the grill slicing into his skin – three sharp lines, diagonally down his face – so everyone would see his pain, deep-seeded within himself, blossoming into the deepest, darkest, all-consuming emptiness.

Gamzee Makara was a hollow boy, who couldn't scramble back onto the life raft – a dark boy, drowning in endlessness, in an ocean which suffocated him with life. But despite everything, things just started becoming a little funnier, until he saw the hilarity in the meaninglessness of existence. He would swim through this endless ocean, constantly drowning in darkness, but he would laugh and laugh and laugh, because everyone else was just a bunch of suckers. Everyone else would kneel to him in understanding, once the fragility of life came into question. And although he was being dragged down to the bottom of the world, nothing could keep him down. Because when you go through life as a clown in a circus, performing tricks and acrobatics for the amusement and continued existence of others, what's the point in allowing yourself to fall to the pits of the void? Why not embrace the darkness? Lift out of it? Launch yourself onto the trampoline and break free from the circus tent ceiling. Because when a clown so high that he cannot see the ground, and he becomes addicted to feeling that way, you really cannot keep down the clown.


End file.
